What Is Mom Guilt? Understanding Emotional Confusion and How to Overcome It

Understanding Emotional Confusion, Societal Conditioning, and the Path to Self-Compassion

If you’ve ever ended a day wondering whether you’ve done enough as a mom, whether you were patient enough, playful enough, or somehow “good enough”, you’re not alone.

That tug-of-war between love and guilt has become so normalized in modern parenting that we’ve given it a name: Mom guilt.

But here’s the thing. Mom guilt isn’t really about what you did or didn’t do. It’s about the mental load, societal expectations, and impossible “shoulds” mothers are expected to carry.

What Mom Guilt Really Is

“Mom guilt” isn’t a reflection of being a bad parent. It’s an internal conflict created when the expectations of motherhood, shaped by culture, family, and gender norms, don’t match your lived reality.

From a young age, many girls are taught to be kind, accommodating, and responsible for others’ emotions. These lessons follow us into adulthood, often turning into self-imposed pressure to be the peacekeeper, the caregiver, the one who holds it all together.

Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and author of Good Inside, describes what happens next as emotional confusion, referencing when your feelings don’t align with what you think you “should” feel.

For example, you might love your child deeply but also feel overwhelmed or resentful at times. Society tells you this combination of emotions is unacceptable, so you assume something must be wrong with you. But there’s nothing wrong. You’re simply human.

As Dr. Becky explains, “When we expect constant joy, but feel stress, sadness, or frustration, our brains label those emotions as failure. In reality, they’re signs that we care deeply.” (Good Inside, 2022)

Why So Many Mothers Feel This Way

Canadian research shows that mothers carry a disproportionate amount of the mental and emotional load in families, not only managing logistics but also regulating the family’s emotional climate (Canadian Women’s Foundation, 2023).

Social media often adds fuel to the fire, curating highlight reels of “perfect” parenting that reinforce unrealistic standards. When your experience doesn’t match those images, guilt creeps in.

The problem isn’t that mothers care too much. It’s that they’ve been taught caring must come at their own expense.

This conditioning leaves many women feeling chronically inadequate, disconnected from themselves, and hesitant to express their own needs. Over time, that emotional suppression can lead to burnout, irritability, or emotional numbing.

How to Recognize Emotional Confusion

You may be experiencing emotional confusion, or what Dr. Becky calls the gap between how you think you should feel and how you actually feel, if you notice:

• Feeling guilty for wanting time alone or away from your kids

• Believing that rest or boundaries make you “selfish”

• Feeling anxious when your parenting doesn’t look like others’

• Over-apologizing or trying to “make up” for perceived shortcomings

• Feeling disconnected from joy, even when life looks “fine” on paper

Naming this confusion is the first step toward self-compassion.

How to Begin Letting Go of Mom Guilt

1. Challenge the “Shoulds”

Notice when guilt shows up and what it’s saying. Ask, Who decided I should feel this way? Many of these beliefs aren’t truly yours. They’re inherited.

2. Make Space for Mixed Feelings

You can love your child and still crave quiet. You can be grateful and still feel depleted. Mixed emotions don’t make you a bad parent; they make you an honest one.

3. Model Emotional Awareness

By acknowledging your own feelings, you model healthy emotional regulation for your children. They learn that emotions are safe to feel, not something to hide or fix.

4. Redefine “Good Enough”

Psychologist D.W. Winnicott introduced the idea of the “good enough mother” as a parent who is responsive, imperfect, and human. Children don’t need perfection; they need presence and repair.

5. Seek Support

Talk with friends who can relate, connect with community groups, or work with a therapist. A psychologist can help you unpack conditioning, reduce self-blame, and rebuild balance between caregiving and self-care.

The Takeaway

Mom guilt thrives in silence. The more we talk about it, the less power it holds.

Being a parent isn’t about doing it all. It’s about being real, showing up, and offering your kids the gift of seeing what self-compassion looks like in action.

When you release the “shoulds,” you give yourself permission to parent from authenticity, not expectation. And that’s where both you and your children can truly grow.

📍 Core Psychology | Calgary | Marda Loop
📧 admin@corepsychology.com
📞 403-488-8912

References and Resources

• Kennedy, B. (2022). Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. Harper Wave.

• Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment. International Universities Press.

• Canadian Women’s Foundation (2023). The Facts on Mothers and Work. https://canadianwomen.org/the-facts/mothers-and-work/

• American Psychological Association. Maternal Mental Health: Understanding Stress and Coping in Motherhood. https://www.apa.org

• Verywell Mind. What Is Mom Guilt and How to Manage It. https://www.verywellmind.com/mom-guilt