When loss feels too heavy to carry alone

No. Grief doesn’t follow set stages or a timeline. Research suggests people tend to move back and forth between facing the loss (remembering, feeling the pain) and taking breaks from it (rest, distraction, daily life), and that both are part of healthy grieving. If grief feels stuck, overwhelming or is getting in the way of daily life months later, talking with a therapist can help.

The most effective therapy is the one that resonates with who you are and your experience, with a therapist who feels like the right fit. Approaches we draw on include:

• Grief-focused cognitive behavioural therapy, which has good research support, especially when grief has become stuck or prolonged.
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) supports you in navigating loss while rebuilding meaning and purpose.
• EMDR can help when a loss was sudden or traumatic.
• Narrative and emotionally focused approaches help you integrate the loss into your life story and your relationships.

Good therapy doesn’t aim to help you “get over it”, but to help you live with it, gently making space for connection, memory and meaningful forward movement.

Some gentle reminders:

• Don’t compare your process to others. Your experience is unique to you.
• Try not to rely only on staying busy, alcohol or distraction. Some breaks from grief are healthy; it’s when avoidance becomes the only way of coping that grief can get stuck.
• Don’t isolate completely. Even quiet companionship helps.
• Don’t pressure yourself to “move on” or “be strong”.
• Don’t minimize your loss by saying things like “others have it worse”. Your pain is valid.

Grief needs and deserves compassion. Ignoring it won’t make it go away, and it can make it harder.

In grief counselling, you can expect:

• A safe space to talk about the person or thing you’ve lost
• Support to name and understand complex emotions like anger, guilt, relief or disbelief
• Learning how grief affects your body, sleep and concentration
• Tools for coping with waves of emotion, triggers and anniversaries
• Gradually finding ways to carry the loss while rebuilding life, routine and meaning

Counselling can help you feel whole again, acknowledging what’s missing while carrying its meaning with you as you move forward.

There’s no wrong time to reach out. Counselling may help if grief still feels as intense as day one after months or years, you can’t do basic things, you’re avoiding everything that reminds you of the loss, or you feel stuck. You don’t have to be in crisis to get help.

This is a very common fear. The short answer is no, not if it’s done well. A good grief counsellor won’t push you to talk about painful things before you’re ready. Avoiding the pain usually makes it stick around longer. When you can talk about it safely, a little at a time, it starts to lose some of its power and you begin to feel lighter.

No. Some people cry often and some barely cry at all. Neither is wrong. Grief can show up as anger, numbness, exhaustion, physical pain or anxiety. These are all valid ways to grieve.

Yes. Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. Maybe you lost someone 10, 20 or 30 years ago and never really processed it. Or something in your life now is bringing it back up. Both are good reasons to get support.

Absolutely not. If it matters to you, it matters. We’ve supported people grieving pets, careers, friendships, miscarriages, health, homes and many other losses. Your grief is legitimate whether or not other people “get it”.

Sessions with our registered psychologists and counsellors are $235 to $250 for 50 minutes. Many extended health plans cover all or part of this (for example Blue Cross, Green Shield, Manulife, Sun Life and Canada Life). Lower-cost sessions are also available with our supervised practicum therapists. See our fees page for details.