What Is Fawning? And What Does It Look Like in Teens?

TeensPeople Pleasing
Written By Josh Loewen

Understanding People-Pleasing as a Stress Response and How Parents Can Help

If you’ve noticed your teen apologizing too much, going along with friends just to fit in, or striving to be the “easy” child, they may be doing something deeper than just being polite. These can be signs of fawning, a stress response that develops when a young person learns, consciously or unconsciously, that staying safe means keeping everyone else happy.

Many parents search for answers to questions like:

  • Why does my teen always try to please everyone?

  • Is my child anxious or just empathetic?

  • How can I help my teen find their voice and set boundaries?

Understanding fawning can help you see your teen’s behaviour through a lens of compassion rather than frustration, and guide them toward healthier patterns of connection and self-expression.

What Fawning Really Means

Fawning is one of the body’s instinctive “survival” responses, alongside fight, flight, and freeze. It happens when a person copes with stress, conflict, or fear by appeasing others. For kids and teens, this might mean silencing their own feelings, over-apologizing, or trying to meet everyone’s needs in order to avoid conflict or rejection.

This response can develop in many contexts, sometimes after bullying, emotional inconsistency at home, or experiences where the child felt that safety or love depended on compliance. While fawning can look like maturity or kindness on the surface, over time it can erode self-esteem and leave teens feeling invisible, anxious, or disconnected from their own needs.

What Fawning Looks Like in Teens

Fawning can be subtle, and it often hides behind “good” behaviour. Common signs include:

  • Apologizing frequently or saying sorry even when nothing is their fault

  • Avoiding expressing preferences to “keep the peace”

  • Overachieving, people-pleasing, or taking responsibility for others’ emotions

  • Saying yes when they mean no

  • Minimizing their own feelings or discomfort

  • Feeling anxious when someone is upset with them

  • Avoiding conflict at all costs

  • Struggling to make independent decisions without reassurance

It’s important to remember that trying on new styles or interests to fit in with peers is a normal part of adolescent development. Fawning, however, becomes concerning when it shifts from exploration to emotional survival; when your teen’s personality, voice, or preferences start to disappear.

Why It Matters

Over time, fawning can chip away at a teen’s sense of self and make authentic relationships difficult. Teens who rely on fawning to maintain safety or belonging often feel emotionally exhausted and unsure of who they are. They may develop symptoms of anxiety, burnout, or depression, or use distraction and avoidance to cope.

Left unaddressed, this pattern can follow them into adulthood, leading to chronic over-giving, perfectionism, or relationship difficulties.

How Parents Can Help Teens Who Fawn

Here are five practical ways to support your child in building confidence and reclaiming their voice:

1. Model Healthy Boundaries

Show your teen that it’s okay to say no and that healthy relationships can tolerate disagreement. Let them see you set limits respectfully and without guilt.

2. Encourage Their Voice

Ask for your teen’s opinions and take them seriously. Validate their perspective even when it differs from your own. This helps them trust that their voice matters.

3. Create Safety

Reinforce that your love and acceptance are unconditional. Help them understand that they don’t need to earn connection by being agreeable or self-sacrificing.

4. Normalize Mistakes

Let your teen see that imperfection is part of being human. When they make a mistake or say the wrong thing, focus on learning rather than judgment.

5. Seek Professional Support if Needed

If your teen’s anxiety, people-pleasing, or emotional withdrawal seem to be affecting their self-esteem or relationships, therapy can help. Working with a trauma-informed or attachment-aware therapist can support your teen in building self-trust, learning assertive communication, and managing anxiety more effectively.

When to Consider Reaching Out

It may be time to seek professional guidance if your teen:

  • Struggles to identify or express feelings

  • Avoids conflict or decision-making completely

  • Shows high anxiety or guilt about displeasing others

  • Expresses exhaustion, emptiness, or loss of identity

  • Has begun to withdraw, isolate, or rely on unhealthy coping strategies

Therapy offers a space to explore what’s underneath these patterns and to rebuild confidence and connection, not by changing who your teen is, but by helping them feel safe enough to be themselves.

Takeaways

Fawning isn’t about weakness or manipulation; it’s a learned way of staying safe. With understanding and support, your teen can unlearn this pattern, reconnect with their voice, and feel more at ease in relationships, including with you.

At Core Psychology, we help teens and families explore the roots of people-pleasing and develop practical tools for self-expression, boundaries, and emotional resilience.

If you’d like to talk about what’s happening for your child, we’re here to help.

📍 Core Psychology | Calgary | Marda Loop
📧 admin@corepsychology.com
📞 403-488-8912


Resources and References

For parents wanting to learn more about fawning and child development:

Josh Loewen
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