When the Game Doesn’t Go Well: Helping Teen Athletes Who Shut Down
You’ve seen it happen. One missed shot, one tough game, and your teen shuts down. Their shoulders drop, they go quiet in the car, or they snap when you try to talk about it. Sometimes there are tears. Sometimes there’s silence. Sometimes it’s a wall you can’t get through.
As a parent, that can be hard to watch. It can feel personal, like they’re pushing you away. But what you’re really seeing isn’t defiance. It’s hurt. It’s overwhelm. It’s their nervous system trying to protect them from something that feels too big in the moment.
Why Teen Athletes Shut Down After a Tough Game
For many teen athletes, performance feels deeply personal. It’s not just about wanting to play well. It’s about believing that playing well defines who they are. Somewhere along the way, effort and self-worth got tangled up.
When a game doesn’t go as planned, the thoughts that flood in can be harsh:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I let everyone down.”
“Why do I even bother?”
“I’ll never be as good as them.”
At that point, it’s no longer just about the game. It’s about identity. About shame. About fear.
And often, the more they care, the harder it hits.
The Shutdown Isn’t the Problem — It’s a Signal
When a teen athlete shuts down, it’s not a flaw in character or effort. It’s a coping strategy. Their system becomes overwhelmed, and instead of lashing out, they turn inward.
But over time, that shutdown can create a pattern that feeds itself:
A tough performance leads to emotional overload. The athlete retreats, confidence slips, pressure builds, and performance suffers again.
The goal isn’t to pull them out of it or push them past it. It’s to help them recognize what’s happening and rebuild trust in themselves when things don’t go perfectly.
Helping Teen Athletes Process and Move Forward
At Core Psychology, we work with athletes to unpack those difficult moments, not to dwell on them, but to understand them. We help shift the story they tell themselves from one of failure to one of growth to develop a mindset that can help them in their sport and throughout their life.
Sometimes that means introducing new internal messages, like:
“You can be disappointed and still proud of showing up.”
“One game doesn’t define your ability or your future.”
“Your worth isn’t something that changes with a score.”
Through targeted mindset work, we help teen athletes:
Recognize what’s happening internally when they shut down
Sit with difficult emotions without being consumed by them
Build resilience while staying connected to how they feel
Rebuild confidence, even after a tough loss
The goal isn’t to avoid bad games or emotional lows. It’s to help them meet those moments with clarity, self-compassion, and perspective.
The Bigger Picture
No athlete is immune to disappointment. But every athlete can learn to move through it without losing themselves in the process.
If your teen tends to shut down when things go sideways, know this: they aren’t broken, and they don’t need to be “tougher.” They need support that respects both their drive and their humanity.
At Core Psychology, we help athletes strengthen the mindset behind performance, so they can play hard, recover well, and carry their confidence off the field too.
Because what happens after the game matters just as much as what happens in it.
📍 Core Psychology | Calgary | Marda Loop
📧 admin@corepsychology.com
📞 403-488-8912
References and Resources
American Psychological Association. Sport and Performance Psychology. https://www.apa.org
The Journal of Applied Sport Psychology (2023). Adolescent Athletes and Emotional Regulation in Competitive Environments.
Harvard Health. The Connection Between Exercise, Emotions, and Mental Health. https://www.health.harvard.edu
Canadian Sport Institute Calgary. Mental Performance Resources for Young Athletes. https://www.csicalgary.ca
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, by Carol Dweck (2006).
