Free boundaries worksheet: Boundary builder

If you tend to say yes when you mean no, setting a boundary can feel uncomfortable at first, even unkind. This worksheet helps you notice where you over-give, plan one small boundary, find the words, and handle the guilt that can come afterwards.

START THE WORKSHEET

HOW IT WORKS

01Notice where you over-give, and what it costs you
02Plan one small boundary and script what you’ll say
03Try it, then work through the guilt that can follow

Private: you can type right on this page. Nothing you enter is saved or sent.

A boundary is about what you will and won’t do, not about controlling someone else. Start small and low-stakes. If saying no to someone feels unsafe, please talk with a therapist first. If you’re in danger, call 911, or Alberta’s Family Violence Info Line at 310-1818. For mental health crisis support, call or text 988.

01 · Where I over-give

Notice your yes-when-you-mean-no moments.

Tick any that fit.

Saying yes to extra work Lending money or time I don’t have Always being the one who listens Planning or organizing for everyone Answering messages right away, even late at night Taking on others’ problems as my own Agreeing just to avoid conflict Apologizing when I haven’t done anything wrong Something else

A recent moment I said yes, but meant no What it cost me (time, energy, sleep, money, resentment)

02 · Know your why

What matters to you here?

What I need or value (for example, rest, time with family, fairness, my health) What I’m afraid will happen if I set this boundary

Fears like “they’ll be upset” or “they won’t like me anymore” are very common. Notice them, and remember they’re predictions, not facts.

03 · Plan one small boundary

Find the words before you need them.

Pick something fairly low-stakes to start, about 3 out of 10 for difficulty.

The boundary I’ll set: what I will or won’t do

IDescribeThe situation, just the facts. “You’ve asked me to cover the last few Saturdays.” IIExpressHow you feel or what you think, using “I.” “I’m feeling stretched thin.” IIIAsk, or say noClearly and briefly. “So I can’t take this one.” IVReinforceWhy it helps, or what you can offer instead. “I’m glad to help you look at the schedule on Monday.”

TIPS

Keep it short. You don’t owe a long explanation. If you’re pushed, calmly repeat your answer. It’s okay to say, “Let me get back to you,” and give yourself time to decide. Stay steady in your tone and posture, even if your heart is racing.

04 · After the boundary

Guilt doesn’t mean you did something wrong.

Feeling guilty after setting a boundary is common, especially if you’re used to putting others first. It often fades with practice.

What actually happened when I set the boundary How I felt before and after (0 to 10), and what I noticed What I’d say to a friend who felt guilty for setting this boundary Something kind I can do for myself now

My next small boundary to try

The script in section 03 is a simplified version of the DEAR MAN skill from dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), part of its interpersonal effectiveness skills (Linehan, DBT Skills Training Manual, 2nd ed., 2015).

Please note: This resource is for education and self-reflection only. It is not a diagnostic tool and can’t tell you whether you have a mental health condition. It is not a substitute for assessment, therapy or other care from a qualified professional, and using it does not create a therapeutic relationship with Core Psychology. If you’re in crisis, call or text 988 any time, or call 911.

Practising boundaries is easier with support.

If saying no brings up a lot of guilt or fear, or the same patterns keep repeating in your relationships, a therapist can help you understand them and practise new ways of responding. You’re welcome to bring this worksheet to your first session.

BOOK A FREE CONSULTATION Therapy for people pleasing

Call or text 403.488.8912 · info@corepsychology.com
Monday to Friday, 9am to 7pm · Saturday, 9am to 3pm

If you’re in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911.