Free couples resource: Partner needs map
Partners can love each other deeply and still experience the world very differently. This map helps each of you put your needs into words, side by side, so you can understand each other better and find adjustments that work for both of you. It’s designed with neurodivergent and mixed-neurotype couples in mind, and can help any couple.
HOW IT WORKS
- 01Each partner fills in their own column, separately if you can
- 02Compare your answers together, with curiosity rather than judgment
- 03Choose one or two small adjustments to try this week
Private: you can type right on this page. Nothing you enter is saved or sent.
There are no right answers, and differences aren’t problems to fix. If a conversation gets heated, pause and come back to it later, or bring it to a session. If you ever feel unsafe in your relationship, call 911, or Alberta’s Family Violence Info Line at 310-1818. For mental health crisis support, call or text 988.
01 · Sensory world
What your senses take in.
Sounds, lights, textures, smells or crowds that drain me
Sensory things that help me feel calm or good
02 · Communication
How you take things in.
How I best take in information (for example, written, spoken, or with time to think first)
What helps me during a hard conversation
Things that can feel confusing or hurtful to me, even when they’re not meant that way
03 · Energy & recharge
What fills and empties your tank.
What drains my energy
How I recharge, and how much time alone or together I need
04 · Daily life
Routines, tasks and the mental load.
Tasks or routines that are hard for me
Supports that help me (for example, lists, reminders, a shared calendar, or working side by side)
05 · Connection
How you feel close.
Ways I feel loved and close to you
How I like to reconnect after conflict or overwhelm
06 · Putting it together
Compare, then choose one small step.
TALKING IT THROUGH
Take turns. One partner shares while the other listens and reflects back what they heard, before responding. Assume good intent: different doesn’t mean wrong. Stick to one or two topics at a time.
Informed by the double empathy problem, which describes misunderstanding between people with different neurotypes as a two-way gap rather than one partner’s deficit (Milton, 2012), research on differences in sensory processing (Dunn, 1997), and Gottman’s work on knowing your partner’s inner world. This is a reflection tool, not an assessment, and not a substitute for counselling.
Understanding each other takes practice.
If the same conflicts keep coming up, or talking about needs feels hard, a neurodiversity-informed couples therapist can help. You’re welcome to bring this map to your first session.
Call or text 403.488.8912 · info@corepsychology.com
Monday to Friday, 9am to 7pm · Saturday, 9am to 3pm