Free couples resource · Edition 2: Conversation starters for seasoned couples

Before you start

Curiosity over correctness.

There are no right answers here, and no need to get through every question. One good conversation is worth more than a long list.

Want to listen even more deeply? Try our Listening to understand worksheet. Looking for the other edition? See Edition 1: for new couples.

02 · What’s working

What we want to keep.

• 07 What’s something I do that still makes you feel loved?
• 08 Which of our routines or rituals do you most want to keep?
• 09 When have you felt most like a team lately?
• 10 What’s something we handle better now than we used to?
• 11 What do you appreciate about me that I might not hear often enough?
• 12 What makes our relationship feel like home to you?

04 · Closeness & affection

How we stay connected.

• 19 When do you feel closest to me these days?
• 20 Has what you need to feel cared for changed over the years?
• 21 Is there a kind of affection or attention you’d like more, or less, of?
• 22 How are we doing at turning toward each other in small, everyday moments?
• 23 What helps you feel desired and wanted?
• 24 What gets in the way of us connecting, and what might help?

06 · The next chapter

Where we’re heading.

• 31 What are you hoping for in the next five years, for you and for us?
• 32 Is there a dream you’ve put on hold that you’d like to revisit?
• 33 What would you like more of in our life together, and what less?
• 34 What new adventure or tradition would you like us to start?
• 35 How would you like us to support each other through what’s ahead?
• 36 If we checked in again a year from now, what would you hope we’d say?

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These are original questions written by Core Psychology. They are informed by research suggesting that gradually deepening, back-and-forth sharing can build closeness (Aron, Melinat, Aron, Vallone & Bator, 1997, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin), and by couples research on continuing to learn about each other’s inner world, turning toward each other’s bids for connection, and repairing after conflict (Gottman & Silver, 1999, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; Gottman, Coan, Carrère & Swanson, 1998, Journal of Marriage and the Family). Core Psychology is not affiliated with or endorsed by these authors or their organizations.