Whether you’re a few months in or thinking about marriage, it’s natural to wonder: is this the right person for me? There’s no perfect partner, and no checklist that can answer that question for you. But relationship research does point to some qualities that tend to show up in healthy, lasting relationships.
1. You Feel Safe Being Yourself
In a healthy relationship, you don’t have to perform or hide parts of yourself to be loved. You can share your worries, your quirks and your bad days, and your partner responds with care rather than criticism. Feeling emotionally safe is one of the foundations that lets both people grow (Feeney & Collins, 2015).
2. They Celebrate Your Good News
How a partner responds when things go right matters as much as how they respond when things go wrong. Couples who respond to each other’s good news with genuine interest and enthusiasm tend to report more satisfying relationships (Gable et al., 2004). Notice whether your partner is glad for you, asks questions and wants to hear more.
3. You Can Disagree Without It Becoming Dangerous
Every couple argues. What matters is how. Research by John Gottman and colleagues found that patterns like criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling predicted later relationship breakdown, while warmth and positivity helped couples stay connected (Gottman & Levenson, 1992). A good sign is being able to disagree, take breaks when needed and find your way back to each other.
4. They Support Your Growth
A supportive partner encourages your goals, friendships and interests, even when those don’t directly involve them. Feeling supported to explore and grow is linked with thriving in relationships (Feeney & Collins, 2015).
5. Your Values Line Up Where It Matters
You don’t need to agree on everything. But it helps to be on the same page about the big things, like how you treat each other, whether you want children, how you handle money and what kind of life you want to build. Talking about these openly, and early, can prevent painful surprises later.
A Note on Red Flags
Some things aren’t signs of a relationship that needs work. They’re signs that something isn’t safe. Control over your money, friends or movements, threats, intimidation or any form of physical, sexual or emotional abuse are serious concerns. If you’re experiencing any of these, support is available, and the Family Violence Info Line below is a good place to start.
When to Reach Out for Support
If you’re unsure about your relationship, keep having the same arguments or want to build a strong foundation before a big step like moving in or getting married, couples or premarital counselling can help. It offers a space to talk openly about expectations, communication and the future you want together.
References
Feeney, B. C., & Collins, N. L. (2015). A new look at social support: A theoretical perspective on thriving through relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 19(2), 113-147.
Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., Impett, E. A., & Asher, E. R. (2004). What do you do when things go right? The intrapersonal and interpersonal benefits of sharing positive events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(2), 228-245.
Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1992). Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: Behavior, physiology, and health. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(2), 221-233.
How Core Psychology Can Help
At Core Psychology, our clinicians offer couples therapy, premarital counselling and individual therapy, in person in Marda Loop, Calgary, and online across Alberta.
We offer a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation to answer your questions and help you find the right fit. You can also reach us at info@corepsychology.com.
If you’re in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 any time, or call 911. If you’re experiencing family violence, call the Family Violence Info Line at 310-1818.
This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for professional assessment or therapy.
