Raising children while caring for aging parents, and often working at the same time, is sometimes called being part of the sandwich generation. It can mean school pick-ups and doctor’s appointments in the same afternoon, worry in two directions and very little time left for yourself.
Why It Can Feel So Heavy
Caregivers juggle practical demands, such as appointments, medications, meals and finances, along with emotional ones like worry, guilt and grief. Research has found that caregivers tend to report more stress and depression than non-caregivers, and somewhat poorer physical health (Pinquart & Sörensen, 2003).
It’s also common to feel pulled in many directions and to feel that you’re never doing enough for anyone, including yourself.
The Feelings No One Talks About
Guilt about not having enough time or patience for everyone
Resentment, especially if caregiving isn’t shared fairly among family members
Anticipatory grief as you watch a parent’s health change
Loneliness, when friends don’t fully understand what you’re carrying
These feelings are normal. They don’t mean you love your family any less.
What Can Help
Share the load. Talk openly with siblings, partners and other family members about who can help with what. Be specific.
Use available supports. Home care, adult day programs, respite services and community organizations can ease some of the pressure. In Alberta, Health Link at 811 can help you find information about local services.
Protect small moments for yourself. A short walk, a coffee with a friend or ten quiet minutes can help you recharge. Social support is a strong buffer against stress (Cohen & Wills, 1985).
Let “good enough” be enough. You can’t do everything, and that’s okay.
Talk with your kids. Age-appropriate honesty about a grandparent’s health can help children feel included rather than confused.
When to Reach Out for Support
If you’re feeling exhausted, irritable, hopeless or stretched beyond your limits, therapy can offer a place to put some of that weight down. It can help you sort through difficult feelings, set boundaries and make caregiving decisions that fit your values. For more on caregiver exhaustion, see our post on compassion fatigue.
References
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310-357.
Pinquart, M., & Sörensen, S. (2003). Differences between caregivers and noncaregivers in psychological health and physical health: A meta-analysis. Psychology and Aging, 18(2), 250-267.
How Core Psychology Can Help
At Core Psychology, our clinicians offer burnout support, individual therapy and family therapy, in person in Marda Loop, Calgary, and online across Alberta.
We offer a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation to answer your questions and help you find the right fit. You can also reach us at info@corepsychology.com.
If you’re in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 any time, or call 911.
This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for professional assessment or therapy.
