Many couples come to therapy feeling stuck in the same painful arguments, or feeling more like roommates than partners. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a well-researched approach that helps couples understand what’s happening beneath the surface and rebuild a secure emotional bond.
What Is EFT?
Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and colleagues. It’s based on attachment theory, the idea that we all have a deep need to feel safe, connected and valued by the people closest to us. When that connection feels threatened, we react in ways that can push each other away.
Understanding the Cycle
EFT helps couples recognize the negative cycle they get caught in. For example, one partner might pursue, criticize or push for connection, while the other withdraws or shuts down to avoid conflict. Each reaction fuels the other.
In EFT, the cycle, not either partner, becomes the problem. Couples learn to see the fears and needs underneath their reactions, such as feeling alone, unimportant or not good enough.
How EFT Works
EFT usually moves through three broad stages:
De-escalation: understanding and calming the negative cycle
Restructuring: sharing deeper emotions and needs, and responding to each other in new ways
Consolidation: strengthening new patterns and solving problems from a place of connection
What the Research Shows
EFT has a substantial research base, with studies showing improvements in relationship satisfaction for many couples (Johnson et al., 1999; Wiebe & Johnson, 2016).
Is EFT Right for Us?
EFT can help couples dealing with frequent conflict, emotional distance, trust issues or major life transitions. It’s also helpful for couples who simply want to deepen their connection. EFT isn’t suitable when there is ongoing abuse or violence in the relationship. In those situations, safety comes first, and the Family Violence Info Line below is available any time.
Several of our clinicians incorporate EFT in their couples work. You may also find our post on how couples can repair after conflict helpful.
References
Johnson, S. M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L., & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally focused couples therapy: Status and challenges. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(1), 67-79.
Wiebe, S. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2016). A review of the research in emotionally focused therapy for couples. Family Process, 55(3), 390-407.
How Core Psychology Can Help
At Core Psychology, our clinicians offer couples therapy and online counselling, in person in Marda Loop, Calgary, and online across Alberta.
We offer a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation to answer your questions and help you find the right fit. You can also reach us at info@corepsychology.com.
If you’re in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 any time, or call 911. If you’re experiencing family violence, call the Family Violence Info Line at 310-1818.
This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for professional assessment or therapy.
